Riding the 19 bus in search of a purpose is not as easy as one might imagine. As yet, there has been no great epiphany, just a raft of distractions. Here is a list of them.
1. The question of whether or not it’s legitimate to sleep in the same bed as your best female friend, even if they are married and you have a girlfriend.
2. The truism that the quality of one’s decision making is inversely proportional to the amount one has had to drink.
3. The realisation that the only thing that has passed my lips in the last 24 hours is alcohol.
4. Inexplicable guilt.
5. Ineffectual air-conditioning.
6. A ghastly stench, which may or may not be emanating from me.
7. The greasy patch of liquid which has gathered where my forehead was resting on the window.
8. A sudden craving for a sausage and onion baguette.
9. The random play facility on my iPod. Trying to guess what will follow this cool slice of Scandinavian electronica (that I didn’t even know I had) is very exciting.
10. Oh no! It’s Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes. Who downloaded that?
11. The sight of Patrick Swayze’s squashed face on a poster for Guys and Dolls, which prompts me to spontaneously mumble the words ‘I am crushing your head’ in a silly Mexican accent.
12. A dead-ringer for the Nazi villain in Raiders of the Lost Ark, who is now staring at me as though I am a lunatic.
13. The near-certainty that I have unwittingly encountered a murderer on public transport at some stage in my life.
14. A gut-wrenching pang of fear.
15. The conclusion that it is easier and less uncomfortable to make eye-contact with strangers who are not
on the bus than with strangers who are on it.
16. An exchange of glances with a tall man on the pavement, who is getting into a chauffeur driven car and bears a startling resemblance to Kevin Spacey.
17. Good god, it is
18. The possibility that Pete Postlethwaite, not Kevin Spacey, is Keyser Soze.
19. The thought that I would find my raison d'etre more speedily if I
had a chauffeur, and didn't have to use public transport.
Gosh. 19 distractions on a 19 bus. What a coincidence.